Thursday, September 30, 2010

Back to singlehood

Went through alot during these few weeks. Especially during the recent 2 weeks, yupz its F1 race! Phone calls ringing like crazy, crisis happen every now and then. Your heart jumped when you hear a crisis that you need to deal with. Many people they just think its an easy job, well its just a race what. Wait till you deal with nasty customers standing right in front of you scolding vulgarities. Throughout the whole event, I think I saw more than 5 people cried. Most due to frustrations more than stress, cause stress is always there. The past 1 week was really crazy, counting stocks in the middle of the night. But when you see the whole team working together, you kind of feel you are at the right place. Well, or celebrating a surprise birthday party at 2am, hiding at one corner, waiting for the leading lady bathe finished. Talking post-mortem at 3am and waking up early in the morning. Well, thats what event is all about. I really want to thank God for everything these 1 week. I nearly got into serious trouble many times, but a silent voice would tell me to "check again, wendy," "Go back and look at it again".. Well, really thank God for helpful people too. And I love my team, especially my Manager la! I seldom hold anyone as a role model but she is one to me.

Well, she is your regular office lady and a typical mum that loves her child. But something that sparks me is a friendliness, meticulous nature and loyalty to friends. I am really impressed at the way she handles everything. She stands out at work in a subtle way. Not your typical authoritarian superior, but able to be treated as a friend and you would still respect her. She is to me the new age type of superior. Her cheerfulness is contagious too.Well, I did learn alot from her, and I hope her baking shop would come to pass.

Well, after a tough week of F1, I thought I could take a break and rest. Our company gave us a day rest. I decided to treat myself better. How can you love others when you dont love yourself. So I spent $30 eating at Sakae Sushi, the nearest Japanese shop around my neighbourhood, went facial and massage. I realised I am quite a workaholic during this F1 event. Thats something about Arians. We may be complacent and always quit halfway, however, when we are at work and aim to complete, we will finished it by hook or by crook. I was totally immersed in my work, which I love it, as I love the feeling that everyone is working hard together. I realised not everyone understood that. Thank God my close friends knows that, and didnt disturb me, but occasionally sent me messages of encouragement. I felt touched. My sister would call me and ask me how i was, but would understand if I hang up abruptly. Even when my friends came to visit me, I didnt have time to even really chat and had to chase them off (*okay, I feel bad la*), they didnt blamed me, cause thats when I love the thing i do and I am happy being busy. I really appreciate that.  Well, but not all understood me that much.

Going back to work after a days rest, things started piling up again. I was so busy the whole day again. and best I am back to singlehood just 2 days after my hectic week. You may ask what happen, but I have no idea what to say. I feel apprehensive since the past 2 weeks. I begin to realise that all the words that was said to me before were all a lie. And i seriously made a huge mistake for starting this in the first place. I hadnt been happy since the past few months. A burning feeling of insecurity hovers over me everyday. All of us wish for a crystal ball that would allow us a glimpse of what the future beholds. but life is just so cruel to leave you at lurch and then making you suffer the consequences. I realise everything that this person said was never true. So determine and so convincing but all is a lie, because he would eat his words, he has done everything he told me not to. I realise I was stupid. So stupid. Wonder if its an irony that God played on me when my sister's wedding is just 3 days away. Strangely, its her second marriage but I havent had mine for even once. (which I am busy once again to help her) Well, guess, I am just living the new century. Dont get me wrong, I am happy for her. Because I have a strong gut feeling that this man would make my sister happy. I really wonder if there is a someone that is really out there. Or are you suppose to be the one that make that someone. I know most people would say "face reality, wendy and stop watching so much korean drama", I have to admit that the Korean dramas has overrated what is true love or even real love. But I believe all of us have that secret desire to meet and be with that special someone. That you feel he or she is the one. Guess thats why Romeo and Juliet is still the favourite love classic of all times. Its not just because of its beautiful language but because we all have that common wish that there would be such impulse love that cause your heart racing so fast and your mind going crazy to do things you never thought of doing. Some couples may falter at the thought of having to sacrifice for the other party but this star-crossed lover would at first thought think of till death do us part, or is it just my Arian nature taking place for its wishful thinking of a romantic love that may or may not exist.